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Tips & Advice
OUR MISSION
To provide affordable and accessible alternative dispute resolution services.
Mediation & Conflict Solutions (MCS) is a valuable community resource if you have a problem you can't solve on your own. Before you reach out to us, you may want to try resolving the situation yourself using these tips.
Think of a constructive way to deal with the situation before you speak.
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Both people agree to some ground rules:
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Do not interrupt.
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Use "I" messages.
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Avoid name calling or insults.
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Speak only for yourself, not for anyone else.
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The first person tells her or his view of the situation.
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The second person restates what the first person said before stating his or her view of
the situation. -
Steps 2 and 3 are repeated with a restatement of the other person's view before adding information of your own.
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Both people suggest possible solutions. All ideas are written down.
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Both people agree on a solution from the list.
An "I" message has four parts.
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"I feel..." (state the feeling)
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"when you..." (describe the other person's behavior)
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"because..." (describe the results of that behavior)
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"I want..." (state what would correct the situation for you)
How to listen actively:
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Clarify: Get more information, ask questions. For example: "So, are you saying that you felt angry when I did that?"
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Restate: Say in your own words what you heard the other person say, including their feelings. For example: "What I hear you saying is that you didn't like it when I took the car without permission and that you were worried about me. Is that correct?"
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Encourage: Use neutral, non-threatening words to help the other person say more about the situation and how they feel. For example: "Could you tell me more about that?"